the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
