It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think I am morally bankrupt
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize
