there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
