Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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