WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
