i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
