After last night, I could never be a politician.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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