girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
