I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
