I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
