Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
