No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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