I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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