Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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