If i could tip my vagina, i would.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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