Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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