If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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