He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
