Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
