he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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