So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
