its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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