Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Can i not drive my cunt home
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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