i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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