when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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