You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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