Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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