Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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