I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I want is dick and wine.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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