Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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