You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
