32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Oh god it's open bar.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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