just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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