This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
