Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize