I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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