The maid of honor just puked.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
