just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
