YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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