She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize