i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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