Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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