So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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