You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
