so explain again why im purple
no
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
