I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
