sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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