And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
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I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize