I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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