he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
