I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
