omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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