dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
