I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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