he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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