Whoa Z and x make the same sound
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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