I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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