Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
