i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
