My Higher Power is John Stamos
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
