you would pick up someone in the library
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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