Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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