there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
